Mind Games at Work: Surviving the Gaslighting Boss

This blog is part of my ongoing series on toxic bosses, and the eight distinct personas I’veidentified through my latest research on the behaviors and impacts of toxic leaders. Each type is expanded upon in my upcoming book, I Wish I’d Quit Sooner: Practical Strategies for Navigating and Escaping a Toxic Boss, releasing January 13, 2026. In it, I explore the patterns, behaviors, and impacts of these toxic bosses, and most importantly, how to navigate and recover from them. Let’s turn our focus to one of the most psychologically damaging personas: The Gaslighter.

According to The American Psychological Association gaslighting is defined as the act of “manipulating another person into doubting their own perceptions, experiences or understanding of events.”¹

In a work environment, this means the works to destabilize your sense of what’s real, so that over time, you begin to doubt your version of the truth and question everything else, including your memory and abilities. 

The uses subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) mind games to manipulate employees. They may deny events or conversations you clearly remember, insist that your recollection is wrong, or claim they “never said that” when you they did. They regularly shift blame, ensuring you are held responsible for their mistakes, leaving you feeling confused, anxious, and incompetent.

One of the hallmark tactics of the is giving contradictory instructions or feedback, then insisting the inconsistency is your fault. They may set you up for failure by withholding critical information or resources, only to criticize you for not meeting expectations. Criticism from a is unsubstantiated and personally aimed at you, with the intent of eroding your confidence.

This behavior is rarely overt. In fact, gaslighting is most effective when it’s subtle, creating just enough uncertainty that you begin to question whether the problem is with them, or with you. Over time, this can chip away at your self-trust to the point where you become increasingly dependent on the for validation and approval.

The effects of gaslighting can be deep and long-lasting, spilling over into both your professional and personal life. Professionally, the constant second-guessing can lead to self-censorship: you may stop speaking up in meetings, avoid taking risks, and withdraw from collaboration. You might hesitate to pursue new opportunities because you no longer trust your own judgment.

Psychologically, gaslighting often leads to heightened anxiety, depression, and a pervasive sense of inadequacy. You may replay conversations in your head for hours, wondering if you misunderstood, misheard, or overreacted. Over time, the relentless stress can lead to burnout, leaving you mentally and emotionally drained. This exhaustion can impact your performance, which the will then use to reinforce their narrative that you are incompetent.

The damage of a Gaslighter isn’t limited to office hours. Gaslighting can spill into your personal life, straining relationships as you become more withdrawn or preoccupied with work-related stress. The longer it continues, the more it erodes your overall self-worth, making it harder to recognize the problem, or to find the strength to address it.

While working for a gaslighting boss can be disorienting, there are ways to protect yourself and reclaim your sense of reality:

1. Acknowledge the Manipulation.

   • Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is. Reaffirm your own experiences, and remind yourself that your memory and perception are valid.

2. Document Everything.

   • Keep detailed written records of meetings, instructions, and feedback. Follow up verbal discussions with email summaries to create a paper trail. These notes can be essential in countering false claims later (and covering your butt!)

3. Set Boundaries and Hold Them.

   • Gaslighters will test your limits, so be clear on what you will and won’t tolerate. Maintain those boundaries consistently.

4. Rely on Facts in Disputes.

   • Refer to your documented records rather than relying solely on memory. This takes the debate out of the realm of perception and into concrete evidence.

5. Seek Support.

   • If possible, escalate concerns to HR or a trusted senior leader. If internal solutions aren’t safe or effective, consider legal advice or planning your exit to a healthier workplace. 

6. Protect your mental health.

   • Seeking the support of a therapist or psychologist is also invaluable when navigating and recovering from a .

7. Rebuild Confidence Outside Their Influence.

   • Surround yourself with people: mentors, peers, and friends who affirm your skills and worth. Their perspective can help counteract the distorted reality the Gaslighter imposes.

   
   

Gaslighters are among the most harmful toxic leader types because they attack not just your work, but your very perception of reality. The damage they cause can be lasting, but with awareness, documentation, and strong boundaries, you can begin to reclaim your confidence and autonomy.

1. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-5-TR. Fifth edition, text revision. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association Publishing, 2022. 

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Dr. Laura Hambley is a thought leader on Career and Workplace Psychology, passionate about career development. She founded Canada Career Counselling in 2009, however has specialized in career development since 1999 through her Master’s research and counselling in different settings, including outplacement and career transition firms in Alberta.

Dr. Laura learned early on that effective career planning enhances wellbeing, confidence, and clarity in one’s work and life. Combining the expertise of Psychology with Career Counselling is what she sought to do as she founded and evolved Canada Career Counselling from Calgary to Toronto, Victoria, and Halifax, providing Career Counselling and Career Coaching to thousands of clients over many years.

Dr. Laura enjoys her work as a Career Counsellor and Career Coach to professionals who are in mid- or senior stages of their career, helping them navigate complex career decisions and pivots. Her extensive experience as an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist, enables her to understand and address the challenges faced by individuals, leaders, teams, and organizational cultures.  Having consulted to a wide range of organizations since the late 1990s, and becoming a future of work thought leader, has enabled her to help individuals and organizations navigate the latest trends impacting today’s organizations.

Dr. Laura fulfilled her dream of having her own podcast in 2020, called Where Work Meets Life™, where she interviews experts globally on topics around career fulfillment and thriving humans and organizations. She is a sought-after keynote speaker for organizations, associations, conferences, and events.

In addition to her Master’s in Counselling Psychology (1999), Laura holds a Ph.D. in Industrial/Organizational Psychology (2005) from the University of Calgary. She is a Registered Psychologist with the College of Alberta Psychologists, as well as a member of the Psychologists’ Association of Alberta and the Society of Human Resource Management (SHRM). She also contributes to teaching, supervision, and research as an Adjunct Professor of Psychology at the University of Calgary.

For more resources, look into Dr. Laura’s organizations:

• Canada Career Counselling

• Synthesis Psychology